This year I taught my students about the figurative language element called “apostrophe.” No, it is not the little crescent squiggle that shows possession, it is actually a tactic of writing to something non-living that cannot answer back. So when Romeo in Shakespeare’s great work “Romeo and Juliet” agonizingly
shouted, “Do I defy you stars?” That was an act of using apostrophe.
Well, as great of a literary tactic as it is, I have found myself wanting to
use it lately. Only I wish that the recipient of this letter would
actually hear me and do something about it! So, this is a little
different, a little silly even, but I feel that these things truly need
to be said. So here goes, a breakup letter to my allergies.
Dear Allergies,
I guess I didn’t think I needed to write this letter, because I felt that
I had outgrown you enough for you to realize that you should be gone.
But lately I’ve seen evidence of your return and I have to say I am not
ready to reunite. You hurt me too deeply allergies with my red, puffy,
tear-stained eyes becoming more regular. I loathe the incessant tissue
purchases, the nasal sprays and the exhaustion of simply being near you …
it is all too much.
And now I have seen you start to affect my
children, and that is too unforgivable. Constantly using inhalers,
having to buy special “cool to the touch” Kleenex so we don’t rub our
noses raw, and looking like trolls in the morning from our red- eyed,
clogged-nosed, sleepless nights … we just can’t take it.
I know
this is hard to hear, especially after all the time we’ve had together.
And I realize that lately you have been trying, what with the romantic
gestures of fields of Golden Rod, swirls of Cottonwood coming down like
snow, and the fresh smell of cut grass everywhere. I appreciate the
beauty of it, but again, you’re trying to hard and I’m sorry to say …
but it’s over.
I know what you’ll try to do next; you’ll try to remind me of all the good times we had.
You’ll tell me that when I was a little girl it was you who was able to keep me home from school when no
other excuse would do the job. Then, you’ll bring up college. You’ll
ask me, “Didn’t we have fun when you were trying to figure out which
allergy medicine was right for you?” No. Pharmaceutical drug
experimentation was not on my personal list of “must-experiences” in
college. While true, the extreme differences of hyperactive to near
comatose is a funny memory, it is not enough to make me want to stay.
I’ve moved on allergies. You’re not the only one in my life anymore. I have
children to take care of that don’t need your influence and a husband I
love. So stop attacking him too! He was never allergic to bees before
and the little anaphylactic reaction episode last summer wasn’t cool. I
know it was an act of jealousy to get me back, but it won’t work. He
has an epi-pen and we are living strong and moving on.
I mean it this time allergies, we’re through! And I would appreciate you not
stopping by again as it just makes it harder for us to move on. If you
love me … it’s really time to let me go.
No longer yours,
Elle
this quotable life 
I hope you know how much I loved this-along wit every other piece. I read it right as the email is sent to my phone. I miss you lots and hope all is well.
Sent from my iPhone
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I wish I had the courage to say goodbye to my allergies as you have, but that have become such a strong part of my life that I am worried I might miss them dearly. How could I function without the constant eye irritation? What would my life become if I could speak a full sentence without a nose tickle? How dull would I become if I didn’t have to constantly worry that I might sneeze onto somebody? It’s not pretty, but that is me. Elle, please remember that you never know what you had until it’s gone. You might be wishing for your old friend to return for a short visit. You just never know.