Grocery Shopping …
So it went a little something like this:
Act 1: (Scene One)
Mother approaches the grocery store at six-fifteen PM. She has two children with her who, that’s right, have NOT eaten dinner yet … primarily because … she hadn’t bought it yet.
As she parks, you can hear the constant, chatter of little mouths with too much to say to possibly keep it inside.
Boy: “Can I get the cart?”
Mom: “No, they’re stuck.”
Girl: “Can I get the cart?”
Mom: “No, they’re still stuck.”
Mother tries to wedge the cart into the door before either child takes a side of the cart, nearly toppling it over before she can right it again and avoid running over the guy picking up a bag of chips.
Mom: “Guys, don’t rock the cart.”
Kids: “We aren’t.”
Mom: “Well … you almost took out that little girl with your back so …”
Boy: “No I didn’t.”
Girl: “Yeah you did.”
Boy: “How would you know?”
Girl: “I just do.”
Mom: “Okay guys, get off. You can help me grab food.”
Act 1: (Scene Two)
Mother starts to grab things and put them into the cart.
Boy: “Oh! Can I get sour cream and onion chips?”
Mom: “Definitely not, but thank you for asking.”
Boy: “Are you sure?”
Mom: “Pretty sure … yeah.”
Girl: “Hey, you’re reaching things and you said we could put them in the cart.”
Mom: “But you can’t reach those things.”
Girl: “Can we get some?”
Boy: “This one!?!”
Boy: “How about this one?”
Mom: “Still no.”
Act 2: (Scene One)
After putting two sensible boxes of cereal into the cart, the mother says that the kids can go find juice boxes, which, inadvertently, leads to running.
Mom: “Guys, don’t run … don’t run, don’t run! DON’T RUN!”
Store Worker almost squishes daughter on the grocery tile floor. Mother rushes to girl’s stricken side, apologizing profusely to the worker.
Mom: “I said don’t run!”
Girl: “I wasn’t.”
Mom: “Yeah! You were! And you almost got crunched.”
Girl: “I’m okay.”
Mom: “Barely! You scared me!”
Girl: “Here’s the juice!”
Boy: “She was totally running.”
Mom: “So were you.”
Boy: “Not as much.”
Mom: “Still too much!”
Boy: “Yeah … let’s talk about that later!”
Act 2: (Scene Two)
In the home stretch and heading toward the checkout.
Mom: “Almost done guys, but we forgot vinegar.”
Boy: “What’s vinegar?”
Mom: “Its clear, and … hard to explain.”
Girl: “Oh, I know what it is.”
Boy: “No you don’t.”
Girl: “Mom! He said I don’t know what vinegar is!”
Mom: “You probably don’t.”
As kids “help” put groceries on the conveyor belt, they simultaneously slide the contents across until they slam into the items before them.
Mom: “Whoa! Be careful guys!”
Kids: “We are.”
So … something like that happened to me yesterday, and something like that seemed like it would make an incredibly riveting, realistic, and theatrical portrayal of a basic Monday night.
According to Dr. Seuss, “Adults are just outdated children.” This became apparent to me after our little production at the local grocery when I was exhaustedly putting away my cart, and saw a guy (not much younger than me) whizz past on a shopping cart turned airplane. Nearly ramming into his pickup truck, I couldn’t help but laugh and wave as I admitted, “I love doing that too, glad I’m not the only one.”
So maybe things weren’t quite as bad as they seemed at the grocery store. Maybe I just forgot to dust off my “inner-kid.” Maybe next time I will buy the marshmallow cereal (just once) and play tag in the aisles. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find myself hopping a shopping cart, and flying all the way home.
Be young. Have fun. Ride shopping carts!