1.20.15 An Act in Two Parts


Grocery Shopping …

So it went a little something like this:


Act 1: (Scene One)

Mother approaches the grocery store at six-fifteen PM.  She has two children with her who, that’s right, have NOT eaten dinner yet … primarily because … she hadn’t bought it yet.

As she parks, you can hear the constant, chatter of little mouths with too much to say to possibly keep it inside.

Boy: “Can I get the cart?”

Mom: “No, they’re stuck.”

Girl: “Can I get the cart?”

Mom: “No, they’re still stuck.”

Mother tries to wedge the cart into the door before either child takes a side of the cart, nearly toppling it over before she can right it again and avoid running over the guy picking up a bag of chips.

Mom: “Guys, don’t rock the cart.”

Kids: “We aren’t.”

Mom: “Well … you almost took out that little girl with your back so …”

Boy: “No I didn’t.”

Girl: “Yeah you did.”

Boy: “How would you know?”

Girl: “I just do.”

Mom: “Okay guys, get off. You can help me grab food.”


Act 1: (Scene Two)

Mother starts to grab things and put them into the cart.

Boy: “Oh! Can I get sour cream and onion chips?”

Mom: “Definitely not, but thank you for asking.”

Boy: “Are you sure?”

Mom: “Pretty sure … yeah.”

Girl: “Hey, you’re reaching things and you said we could put them in the cart.”

Mom: “But you can’t reach those things.”

Boy: “Cereal!”

Girl: “Can we get some?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Boy: “This one!?!”

Mom: “No.”

Boy: “How about this one?”

Mom: “Still no.”


Act 2: (Scene One)

After putting two sensible boxes of cereal into the cart, the mother says that the kids can go find juice boxes, which, inadvertently, leads to running.

Mom: “Guys, don’t run … don’t run, don’t run! DON’T RUN!”

Store Worker almost squishes daughter on the grocery tile floor.  Mother rushes to girl’s stricken side, apologizing profusely to the worker.

Mom: “I said don’t run!”

Girl: “I wasn’t.”

Mom: “Yeah!  You were!  And you almost got crunched.”

Girl: “I’m okay.”

Mom: “Barely! You scared me!”

Girl: “Here’s the juice!”

Boy: “She was totally running.”

Mom: “So were you.”

Boy: “Not as much.”

Mom: “Still too much!”

Boy: “Yeah … let’s talk about that later!”


Act 2: (Scene Two)

In the home stretch and heading toward the checkout.

Mom: “Almost done guys, but we forgot vinegar.”

Boy: “What’s vinegar?”

Mom: “Its clear, and … hard to explain.”

Girl: “Oh, I know what it is.”

Boy: “No you don’t.”

Girl: “Mom! He said I don’t know what vinegar is!”

Mom: “You probably don’t.”

Girl: “Oh.”

As kids “help” put groceries on the conveyor belt, they simultaneously slide the contents across until they slam into the items before them.

Mom: “Whoa! Be careful guys!”

Kids: “We are.”


So … something like that happened to me yesterday, and something like that seemed like it would make an incredibly riveting, realistic, and theatrical portrayal of a basic Monday night.

According to Dr. Seuss, “Adults are just outdated children.”  This became apparent to me after our little production at the local grocery when I was exhaustedly putting away my cart, and saw a guy (not much younger than me) whizz past on a shopping cart turned airplane.  Nearly ramming into his pickup truck, I couldn’t help but laugh and wave as I admitted, “I love doing that too, glad I’m not the only one.”

So maybe things weren’t quite as bad as they seemed at the grocery store.  Maybe I just forgot to dust off my “inner-kid.” Maybe next time I will buy the marshmallow cereal (just once) and play tag in the aisles.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find myself hopping a shopping cart, and flying all the way home.

Be young.   Have fun.   Ride shopping carts!


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