6.28.15 Twenty Random Thoughts and Questions (That Do Not Matter At All)

“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.” -Lewis Carroll from Alice and Wonderland

So I had a much different plan for my blog tonight, it was going to be serious and soul-filling.  But I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning yesterday (for reasons that seemed good at the time)!  Oh, my am I tired … and wired only enough to snatch at random thoughts and questions that do not matter at all, even if I knew the answers to them or reasons behind them (which I don’t).  If this is the first time you are reading my blog … I must apologize for the silliness, but as Horace once said, “Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.” And right now, at 1:03 in the morning … silly is all that I’ve got worth giving. So without further ado … 

1. Why do frogs in the summertime moan like a herd of cows and then stop all-at-once when someone passes by?

2. Why do hyperboles exist?  Hair dye doesn’t exactly breed confidence (even if it is spelled differently). 

3. Do you think flamingos know that their backwards “knees” are actually their ankles?  Yeah!  Mind-blower!  Look it up … it’s true!  

4. How can people think that because bathroom stalls have a door, they’re automatically soundproof? 

5. Why do all llamas have such terrible underbites? 

6. How can people trust artichokes?  Really.  It seems like an ill wish to eat something containing the word “choke” in it. 

7. I don’t understand people who claim to be loving but don’t like kids or animals … character flaw? I think so.

8. Why does everything sound better in French? (C’est la vie means “that’s life” but sounds so much less sarcastic somehow).

9. How in the name of all things, can a dog’s mouth possibly be statistically cleaner than a human’s?  I have seen what my dog does with her mouth … let’s just say I have my doubts. 

10. Why are scientific “experts” allowed to change their minds about classics like Pluto and brontosauruses? 

11. It seems unfair to me that fish cannot blink.  Or cry.  Or sleep with their eyes closed.  Man it would suck to be a fish. 

12. Why are the lists of potential side-effects on medications 1,000 times more frightening than the conditions they’re trying to combat? 

13. Can you really trust someone who says they’re funny?  If they were … would they need to say it? 

14. Does it bother anyone else to buy digital space for a technological cloud that holds all of our information and media in a place we cannot actually physically see it? Yeah … let’s trust that potential storm.

15. I’ve come to fear the indecisive, suicidal habits of squirrels crossing the road.  They give me anxiety.

16. Did you know that the song of a cicada bug is so loud, that if it were placed right next to a human ear that person could have permanent hearing loss!?! Turn it down nature! 

17. When people are fined $75-500 for not picking up after their dogs on a walk, who gets the money and where does it go? A city-wide beautification project perhaps?  

18. Can we (in good conscience) still call it a “gift” when one re-gifts?  Isn’t it more like recycling at that point? 

19. You know the mathematical saying, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line?”  Well … do civil engineers and road construction teams know that too?  

20. If hours in a day were distributed based on effective use and productivity … do you think I’d still be allowed my whole 24? 

I encourage you to come up with your own random questions that don’t matter.  Laugh like a Cheshire Cat or even the Mad Hatter himself!  Remember what Lewis Carroll said, “Everyone wants some magic solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.”  Believe in the magic of being random, goofy even.  Delight in the space you allow yourself to wander.  Follow the smiles.  

Gigglingly yours,

Elle

6.21.15 Three Heroes

When I was a little girl, I fell asleep in the middle of a rock concert at a summer festival.  I share this memory, because it is one of my favorite memories … because I was with my dad.  It was too hot, too stuffy, too loud and too chaotic to be comfortable, but comfortable I was – enough so to remember smiling as I fell asleep, snuggled against his lap.  In retrospect, it must have been dreadfully uncomfortable to have the extra body heat, weight and pressure on sticky, summer, bleacher seats … but he never complained.  He held onto me, as I held on – tighter. 

Throughout my life, there were many times I brought problems to the feet of my daddy, asking him with salty tears to fix.  From insignificant broken toys to life-altering broken promises, there was never ground he wasn’t willing to walk with me, and there was no greater safety for me than to curl beside him and be every bit of myself without fear.  My daddy believes in imagination, in Neverland and the power of pretend.  He believes in stories, and strong characters who determine their own ever-afters.  Growing up, he was always on my side … he still is – and that has made all the difference.  Dad isn’t perfect; he never claimed he was, and that’s what has made him so.  

Our song is “Lullaby,” and on my wedding day, dressed in white tule and tears, he held onto me, as I held on – tighter.  And the words of Billy Joel echoed true to my dependence on him.  

“Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes

and save these questions for another day

I think I know what you’ve been asking me

I think you know what I’ve been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you, and you should always know

no matter where you go

I never will be far away.” 

My daddy promised he would never leave me until I was ready.  I am thirty-two, and there are days when I need only him.  I need his voice.  I need his approval.  I need to be that little girl in chaos comforted by only him.  

He is my first hero. 

My second hero happens to be attached to the hand my father placed in mine on my wedding day.  My husband.  I think that I am in love with him as much for who he is, as who he’s allowed me to be with him.  There are very precious few people in this world who bring you into yourself … who not only accept you, but turn a light on inside of you that never would have existed if they hadn’t found it.  

He is better than enough.  He is more.  My husband found my glow, and for the last eleven years has captured it beautifully.  Like fireflies in a jar, he shows it to me when I lose my way, so that even on my darkest days, I am never really lost.  He has given me an identity more precious than anything I could ever accomplish in this life alone.  He has made me a mother … love multiplied in the smiles we count as treasure.  He is selfless, and brave, and as we continue to grow up together, I pray to grow into the kind of woman who might someday deserve him.

And finally, my second hero would not be here without my third – my father-in-law.  There is no way to adequately honor the man who taught my husband how to be a dad.  It took me some time to realize just how extraordinary this ordinary man truly is.  He speaks in actions, not in words … and for a writer, this wasn’t always easy to interpret.  But an act of kindness, an encouraging smile and a man who makes time for everyone but himself cannot be overlooked forever.  My father-in-law takes care.  He courageously faces the trials life puts in his way without excuse or retreat.  All my husband has learned of a tenacious heart comes from his parents, and his father’s good opinion.  And all he ever really needed … all he still needs, is to know he brings his father pride.  “Forever My Father” by Go Radio reminded me of this. 

“And I just needed you to pick me up

Like you did when we were younger

When the lightning and the thunder

Had me clinging to your heart.” 

I wish every child could have a father like these three heroes of mine.  For in them, I have seen the love of God reflected.  I pray my son looks up … for he has much, in these three men, to set his gaze upon. 

Happy Father’s Day.

Elle 

6.14.15 First Sip of Summer

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer,” F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

As tearfully as I ended the school year, I must admit that my first sip of summer has been delicious.  Summer is like waking up before the alarm, only to realize you have nothing you need to wake up for.  Today we slept in.  We ate breakfast late and lunch early.  We swam.  We drew chalk pictures and created tiny worlds in mason jars for even tinier frogs that we caught.  There is something about this season that enlightens my senses back to believing that absolutely anything is possible.  This summer I might finally finish my second novel. This summer I could actually organize my house enough to have a garage sale (but then we’d have to organize the garage too so we’ll see if that one happens).  This summer may possibly be the one where I read more than a handful of great novels.  Of all my potential plans, there is one thing I will accomplish … this summer, I will remember how to breathe.  I hope this poem helps you take the first sip of your summer too.

This is Where

There is a place that is not a where, but a when  

A time filled with all the promise of ever after

and clocks that serve no purpose

This is where colors are chalked on sidewalks –

then drift and swirl like bright silken threads after a storm

This is where fireflies surround the night sky – 

miniature, incandescent falling stars cast about and dancing 

This is where light breezes whisper secrets to the Willow’s branches,

hiding in-between the hush and the sway

This is where even shadows hold no true darkness,

rather, they stretch and pull long, and lazy … following the fall of the sun

This is the feeling of windows-wide-open –

of no need for blankets, and cool sides of pillows that lead you further into dreaming

This is where clouds make endless parades of possibility across the heavens,

and every eyes-closed-deep-breath is a silent, offered prayer

There is a place that is not a where, but a when  

A time filled with all the promise of ever after

and clocks that serve no purpose

 

Welcome to summer.

Elle 

6.7.15 Be Here, Be Now

I was having a conversation the other day with my husband.  Lost somewhere between reminiscence and hope, I asked him if he thought that we still had “firsts,” to look forward to, because the best feeling in the world is a first.  First bubble you blew on your own.  First bike ride.  First backyard campout.  First sleepover.  First field trip.  First trophy.  First kiss.  First love.  First fight.  First loss.  First crummy apartment.  First roommate.  First job.  First house.  First child.  And so on.  It made me think of the writer Chuch Palahniuk who once said, “You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.”

My sister always tells me that I hold on to things; It’s true.  I do dwell on the past, because I know my past – it was filled with hundreds of firsts that made my heart beat faster … made my eyes open wider … made me feel more alive.  And suddenly, in the car with my husband of nearly eleven years, thirty-two and somewhat settled into routine, I became  overwhelmed with the fear of when my “last” first might occur.  Even more frightening was the prospect that maybe it had.  My husband, quickly realizing that I was on the proverbial “ledge” (once again), slowly talked me down, promising me word by word and step by step that we still had a world of “firsts” to encounter and claim in our yet-to-be life of adventures.  I love him for that.  But sometimes I get so wrapped up in the “what’s-next-because-I-don’t-want-to-miss it,” mentality, that I forget I’m not meant to be in charge.  I’m meant to BE … and let being, be enough.  This stream of consciousness writing is my effort to do just that. 

BE

Sometimes empty wishes soar, above my mind or near my door

and then I am inclined to think my life is passing near the brink

of all that was and was to be, of all my own slight history.

So then I think my future’s more than simply what I had in store,

for days and weeks and years ahead, I’m living in those days instead

and time, I thought, I hadn’t spent – so carelessly has came and went.

Then I am left with silent longing for a sense of apt belonging

of feeling deeply, sure-fulfilled of what I wanted, wished or willed.

And yet I wonder if I know, where truly I do long to go

am I just ever-lost and aching? Passing? Missing? Or mistaking? 

I think I know, but when I’m there, I find myself less self-aware

’til once again I’m captive, free … chained to what I don’t yet see.

My vision has been apparated, haunting new dreams while I waited

between desire coming true and unformed plans that are too new

for me to know or recognize, although they pass before my eyes.

So what answer can I give my restless spirit but to live?

Then someday, when in memory … I’ll find my purpose was … just be.

Regardless of where you’ve been, or the wonderful firsts you’ve had, I pray that you will find contentment in being here and now and with me … until the next great plot point in your story unfolds.

Literarily yours, 

Elle

5.31.15 False Sense of Security

     Pierce Brosnan once said, that “Humiliation is poisonous. It is one of the deepest pains of being human.”  While that may be true, I have come to realize that there are times I think people should get a little dose of humiliation … I’d go so far as to say it might even be healthy!  Lately I’ve been thinking about how so many people in so many places have a complete “False Sense of Security.”  They feel like they can: do anything, say anything, or act any way, and no one else will notice or care.  Well let me tell you – I’ve noticed – and you should care!  Not sure where I’m going with this?  Follow along, you’ll get there. 

     Cars:  For some insane reason, I’ve discovered that when people are driving they have this disillusioned sense that no one else can see them.  I have come to believe this because if they DID know that others could see them, I doubt they’d be doing what it is I see them do!  In recent weeks, I have seen adults pick their noses, pick their teeth and pick their hair.  I have seen them sing like rockstars, talk to themselves, argue with their phones and with their co-passengers.  I’ve seen them eat like pigs, scratch like monkeys and twitch like rabbits at red lights.  And all this time I want to roll down my window and ask, “You do know your windows work both ways right?  You can look out and we can look in?“

     Parks:  Another great venue for watching people be some version of much-too-human-for-public-viewing.  My mom and I were at the park with my daughter recently, and as she took her on the swings, I realized that parks are a lot more like zoos, but where people become the animals.  “Don’t feed the animals,” I thought to myself, as a little boy walked by with dried out cheerios stuck to the back of his shirt.  “Don’t climb on the bars,” was another appropriate zoo rule for the two-year-old who looked pleadingly at me swinging from a six-foot-off-the-ground rung he was stranded on with NO parent in sight.  “Remember these are wild animals,” also resonated in my mind as a string of kids decided to have a wood chip fight.  Where the heaven are you parents!?!

     Crowds:  Just because there are a lot of people, doesn’t mean you can’t be seen!  Whether in the city or suburbs, you get an overcrowded area and individuals behave like they’ve stolen Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility.  It’s rather gross actually, I’m not going to lie.  Some of my favorite (or least favorite) moments I’ve witnessed in a crowd. 1. Owners getting too friendly with their pets.  I love my dog too but there are boundaries people! 2. PDA:  hand-holding, a kiss here or there – nice … having to explain your PG13 behavior to my PG kids – not so nice.  3. Clothing choices.  Yup.  You know the whole “no shoes, no shirt, no service” thing?  Well, we need to add “no pants,” to the list.  Just eww. 4. If you’re at a fair, calories still count.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, and if you have to … wear something loose fitting.  5. Respect personal space!  Just because you bought too much and are carrying a crate-full, doesn’t mean we need to be bumped off the sidewalk to satisfy your retail therapy.  

     Church: Being in one doesn’t mean all acts are holy.  Threatening your children to keep them quiet, for instance, might not rank as high on God’s list as you think it does.  Texting, emailing, or online shopping definitely doesn’t qualify and YES, I’ve seen all three!  Nodding off, regardless of the “peace” you feel, probably isn’t totally appropriate.  Snapping gum, bickering with your partner or picking your ears … bad, worse, disgusting.  Making a mad-dash in or out also doesn’t really bolster your cred.  Finally, regardless of your hearing status, try to keep your personal conversations on the down-low. 

     Yards: Your fences are only about four feet tall, and we walkers and runners CAN and DO witness what goes on in your yard.  Wear clothing, for heaven’s sake.  Something!  Pick up the debris of your lifestyle (although I do enjoy watching you trip over your trash from time to time).  Get control over your lawn, or it will eat you like the Venus Fly Trap you’re letting it become.  If you’re having a party, don’t forget that Science has proven that sound does-in-fact travel!  

     There are countless other examples of places where people need a little bit more humility in my opinion, movie theaters, grocery stores, restaurants and public sporting events, just to name a few!  Because our false sense of security is becoming somewhat epidemic.  I once read that the reason babies love the peek-a-boo game is because they truly believe the person who closes their eyes disappears and reappears when their eyes are uncovered!  Well, I hate to break it to you people, but just because you’re not looking, doesn’t mean other people have disappeared off the scene!  Be aware.  Think about your actions.  And don’t feel too guilty laughing at those who don’t, because honestly … I’m laughing too. 

Literarily yours, 

Elle