Every single day, multiple times a day, my cat has an epic battle with the wire wastebasket in my bedroom. Rolling on the ground and knocking it from wall to wall, it certainly is a scene to behold. The basket never moves, it never changes, and yet he is perpetually offended by it. I am not sure what he has against this trash bin, or what wrong it has committed against him – all I know is that he undoubtedly has a vendetta against this nemesis which I cannot see or understand in the least. I think he is crazy, but then again …
Every single day, multiple times a day, I find myself running from and getting into epic battles with my own, self-made schedule. I fight with time, watching as the clock defies my wishes and, laughing at me, ticks ever on. I check my phone, my computer and my calendar, knowing with certainty that they will not change, and yet I am offended by them. Time is my nemesis, but this is something, my cat cannot see or understand. And I think how ironic it is that he is sitting in his wastebasket, his self-made prison, staring out at me like I’m crazy from the inside of mine.
The funny thing is, it makes me think of an unknown quote that says, “Most of us spend our time running from something that was never chasing us to begin with.” We make our own monsters, conjuring terrible shadows that lengthen with each fear we feed them. I am an expert at this. I find wonderful, terrible, ridiculous things to worry about and give my mind to, but the greatest of these is that time is passing me by without my having done anything that I am called to do. At times I feel as absurd as my cat, fighting invisible insecurities that aren’t even trying to control me, but I let them.
Recently, again … I put myself out there. I attempted another publication venue, another business plan. I didn’t hear back from one, and got the wrong answer from the other. And with that I began, self-deprecating, mind racing and feeling, once more, I cannot tell if I am running to catch something or escape from it. But then I think about my darling cat, who daily traps himself, and see the lesson in his folly. “Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits.” This advice from Robert Brault serves me well. I may not conquer time, I may not find the solution to my schedule, or my overambitious dreams, but persistence is a gift if you receive it. And just to prove it, I may exchange the trash bin in my bedroom for another … one nemesis down, and one less crazy in this house.