3.15.16 Impossible Exists

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I’ve come to the realization that I am a fool. I am a fool because according to Napoleon Bonaparte, “Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.” And let me tell you, there really are some things that are impossible for me. (Perhaps I am more the fool for taking to heart the words of an ego-tripping dictator, but that is beside today’s point.) Today is about my very obvious reality that impossible does exist, and furthermore, that I need to be okay with it.

The famous sculptor Alberto Giacometti once said, “… the more one works on a picture, the more impossible it becomes to finish it.” I sort of believe he’s right, only metaphorically. The picture is my life, and the more I work on its “image,” the more distorted, and imperfect it becomes. I think at times I’ve made it seem to those around me (spatially and virtually) that, to quote The Lego Movie, “Everything is awesome,” but you know what – sometimes it isn’t – not at all! I’m the farthest thing from “together” and I’m finding more and more that it may not be the worst thing to admit it. So, here it is … my own personal list of impossible, to which I hope you can relate.

  • It is impossible to have days where I do not have fantasies about smashing my alarm clock to smithereens and sleeping as long as I very un-practically want to.
  • It is impossible to feel good about myself when pulling on “skinny” jeans, especially if they were just washed (making them even skinnier), or right after a shower when the friction between my skin and the denim is enough to light a small fire.
  • It is impossible to ever, EVER finish laundry … you know why? Because someone in my family is always wearing clothes!!! When people tell me they “caught up” on their laundry, I kind of have to hate them for three seconds (just three, I’m not very spiteful) because the words “I’m done,” will never be uttered from my mouth!
  • It is impossible to not feel embarrassed when you have guests over and your cat uses the litter box, creating such an atmospheric shift that everyone is temporarily gagging as you run to remedy the nasal assault.
  • It is impossible to stay calm when I find socks stashed in the most remote corners of our living room, like a disgusting game of hide-and-seek I didn’t sign up for.
  • It is impossible not to feel frustrated when my kids’ piano teacher explains the homework to me weekly (yet again) like I’ll get it, when I cannot play myself.
  • It is impossible not to be tempted to let my daughter grow dread locks when I know that she will cry every single time I brush out her hair.
  • It is impossible to get anything useful accomplished when your kids are: hungry, tired, grumpy, excited, confused, sad, wired … scratch that. It is impossible to get anything useful accomplished when your kids are awake!

While there are many more negative impossibilities to relay, I’ve also come across a few impossibilities on the other end of the spectrum that I cannot help but share.

  • It is impossible not to laugh when my son asked why girls have big “pom poms,” and boys don’t have any.
  • It is impossible not to giggle when my husband pretends to be a giant for my kids, “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fumming” around the house.
  • It is impossible not to love that my daughter has created a back up plan to her first career ambition of mermaid.
  • It is impossible to pretend I’m not geeking-out every time my mom sends me freshly baked treats, express mailed so they’re not even a day old.
  • It is impossible for me not to light up when I reminisce all the, “I can’t believe the time we …” with friends who have walked the ages with.
  • It is impossible not to feel amazing when someone smiles at you for the simple reason that you’re you, and you’re there.
  • It is impossible not to feel joy when you hear your children pray for real … like they readily expect God to answer – and he does.

And while there are many, many things that aggravate, irritate, and annoy me about my life, in the words of Whitney Huston when she played fairy godmother in Cinderella, “Impossible things are happening everyday.” Some of them are good … some of them are not, but for better or worse, impossible exists, and I’m glad.

Elle

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