9.18.17 At Least We Get to See Tuesday

“Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” – Sigmund Freud

I feel like honesty is one of those things that people say they want, but shy away from when people give too much of it. They want to know things, but only enough to stay in the know. Well honestly … I think I’d rather really know you, really understand what you’re going through, than pretend to know the version of you that you pretend to be.

It is this very reason that I find teenagers are such good company. Having taught and mentored middle and high schoolers for most of my career, I find this stage of humanity so inspiring. Teenagers are too fresh with their feelings to know how to tamper them. They cannot quell their emotions because their emotions are too new to be tamed. When they’re happy, they are positively overflowing with it. When they’re angry, you can feel the heat roll off of their auras. When they’re scared, when they love, when they celebrate, when they’re sad – every emotion comes in tandem waves of give and receive. Teenagers cannot be near anyone for long without imparting some of what they feel into the surrounding atmosphere. 

And what a relief. 

What a relief to be near the unguarded reality of raw emotion. It is so much more appealing than so often trying to read between the lines of what you think someone said, versus what they meant, or deciphering between one placating smile and the next. Can I be honest? Sometimes I am sick of the dance. I am exhausted at the effort of sincerity directed at the insincere. I wish that people, like those precious teenagers, would just feel a little more, and let feelings, instead of pragmatism decide their course of action. 

I found out tonight that one of the best of these … these hearts that are ruled by feelings and not neutrality, passed away. She was a music teacher and would literally giggle, dance, laugh, and fume at her students in turn. She was wonder-filled and real; cancer, unfortunately, didn’t know her as well as those it took her from. Non-distriminant to the end, that disease – but if cancer had a heart, it wouldn’t exist.  

Thinking about her, though it might seem like the most insignificant of details, I realize that I have written her a Christmas card for the last twelve years. Somehow the reality that this year I will not immediately dimmed my spirit. It is as if a small bulb has burst, and now my string of lights will never be quite as bright as it was before. 

Honestly? I’m sad. I’m sad that a husband who loved his wife beyond the ability of most marriages is now alone. I’m devastated at the thought of children who have to grow up even more now that their mother is gone. I’m angry that anyone, including me, has the right to be anything other than grateful for this mundane, exhausting Monday – because at least we get to see Tuesday. 

I know that these words aren’t the sweetest. Like Mary Poppins I like to believe that if I had a spoonful of sugar to spin I would share it, but sometimes I think honestly might actually be the best medicine. I wish the world would try at it just a little bit harder. Whether it is happy or sad, angry or enlightened, easy or difficult to swallow … I wish truth and transparency for you today and always. 

Where are you? Honestly? I’d love to know your thoughts, and I will surely add you, my readers, to my prayers … because if I’m being honest, I am ever-so-grateful for you.

Elle

14 thoughts on “9.18.17 At Least We Get to See Tuesday

  1. Elle I am sorry for your loss, she will live on in the love of music and dance she shared with her students, her legacy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Honestly the pretending only gets you so far, some shy away from your honesty not knowing what to do, others don’t want to talk about it. As the season begins to change so must I to be myself, scared, struggling, but giving myself permission to live my life with the colors of a sunrise, because each storm brings its own light, we just need faith and time to heal.

  2. Elle, I’m sorry for your loss. I share your sentiments regarding honesty. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in reasoning that it’s often best to be kind, even if that kindness comes at the expense of honesty. I myself have been guilty of withholding the entire truth from time to time in an effort to avoid hurting someone. Yet, at the end of the day, I know that it’s best to be upfront, regardless of the scenario, and I am grateful when others respect me enough to be honest with me in an apologetic way. Sending a big, virtual hug from New Zealand.

  3. I am so sorry to read that you have lost a dear friend, Elle. From the way you have described her, its apparent the loss will be both deep and wide.
    Thank you for your honesty and transparency – qualities I admire greatly and which, I agree the world needs quite a lot more of! Keep sharing from your heart of honesty sweet friend – the world needs your gift! 💕
    I have 3 beautiful granddaughters – each different in their personalities – but each so beautifully “raw” in their emotions! I LOVE being around them and seeing the world through their unpretentious eyes.
    Keeping you and your friend’s family in my prayers. 🙏🏼🌺

  4. Thank you Elle… This is so beautifully written… And such wise words for us all to think about!
    I am sorry for your loss…I am grateful for this day ahead of me.. And grateful for the days I to read your thought provoking words!
    Peace, love and light to you…

  5. Elle, It is sad to read of yet another great loss to this world, especially her family and friends. It reminds me that my current sad, angry, stressful situation is small stuff comparatively.
    Yes teenagers are amazing these days, so open and honest in their feelings. When I was a teen I was told repeatedly that I “should be seen and not heard!” I have grown and become a lot wiser, and more open. However, that statement still haunts me.

  6. Elle,
    Sorry for your loss. Cancer is not friendly. Being honest can be difficult because of time (no one has it.) and we all have crosses to bear of some sort.
    Love you,

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