3.23.20 Small Fib

Dear Grandma:

Hello to you one of my all-time-favorite people in the history of ever and always. Grandma, there is SO much happening here on earth, and I wish for all the world you were here because I could really use some of your jubilant nature … some of your can-do-moxie, and one of your famous don’t-let-go hugs. But in the same breath, I am relieved that you are nestled in the grace of heaven, far from any more trials.

If we were together though, I know what you would say … and that is the blessing of knowing someone as special as you for so long … you’ve imprinted on my very spirit, and I can still hear you. If you were here, I’d start to cry. You would sweep my hair aside, put my head on your shoulder, rub my back and call me dolly. You would not only let me cry, but you would cry with me, wiping my tears just as fast as they fell, and planting kisses on my cheeks.

I would tell you how hard it is to be away from people I love, and you would remind me of the many people you had to say goodbye to. You would tell me that it is because love hurts, and sometimes pain is good. I would tell you that hiding and feeling trapped isn’t fair, and you would remind me that there was a time in history you lived through where people had to hide for much worse reasons than sickness. I would ask you how to deal with the dark thoughts and feelings that come, and you would tell me that joy is a choice, and it is about high time I start doing something fun.

If I were the me I imagine … the one who always came to you when I was feeling sad or scared, I know exactly what you’d do next. You’d scoop me onto your lap (even though I was nearly always taller than you) and you’d swing me back until our legs reached the sky and we dissolved into a fit of giggles. Then, you’d suggest we try on some of your jewelry … the best pieces you kept tucked in the boxes beneath your bed. I’d ask you to tell me all of your love stories, and you’d tell me small bits and pieces … just enough to keep me wondering at the girl you were, who stole hearts without meaning to, just by being you.

Grandma do you know how much I love you? How much I miss you? Still. Always. I love that you found a way to balance mischief and melancholy. You did not have an easy life … but somehow, you always found your way into another “dandy” time. I promise to do the same, and I promise to take as many with me as I can on each frolicking adventure into my imagination.

If I were with you, I’d ask you to never leave Grandma … and you’d squeeze my hand white-knuckle tight (like you always did) and you’d lie to me and say, “I’m not going anywhere.” Maybe just for today Gram I’m going to pretend that you’re not SO very far away … I might tell myself that I got to see you yesterday, and I can’t be so selfish with your time today. Do you think it’d be okay just this once to lie?

“It’s just a small fib,” you’d say. “No harm in that dolly.”

Oh Gram, meet me in a dream soon okay? Maybe tomorrow? So we can go bumming? So we can have a laugh and “get along real good,” like you always said we did. I know I just got to see you yesterday … but I might need tomorrow too.

I love you. I miss you. I need you still.

Tootaloo!

 

3.18.20 One Another’s Courage

“But what now? What am I supposed to do with all these feelings?” – J. Han

I am not sure I understand what is happening in the world. It feels like we are somewhere between a blessed pause and a chaotic halt. I am not sure how to govern my time … my resources … or my emotions.

Every day, our status changes, and the extension between “normal days” and here-and-now continues to grow. I keep replaying the moment when one of my sweet students said, “Mrs. Harris, will I ever see you again?” I immediately cast off her question. I told her of course, that there was no doubt. But now there is … and I hate that I didn’t give her just a few more minutes of my time and attention.

My heart hurts for all the laughter and lessons I am going to try to “foster” digitally, but cannot have in person. It doesn’t seem to make sense that the sun is shining, but I’m not able to drive past the borders of my own town … that the flowers are beginning to bloom, but every known establishment is closing … that the weather is turning to Spring … to hope, but the economy crumbles around us. It is a paradox, this situation. This life.

Try to find the good. Try to remain in the might be’s and the someday soon’s. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems and we have a chance to encourage one another in a way none of us have ever been tested to before. Most of us were not raised in war-torn nations. Most of us have never known true hunger or poverty. Most of us have never been challenged to remain still, and silent, and waiting. I know I never have to this magnitude.

And so … we are commissioned and governed to be patient. God help me it is not my strength, but “this too shall pass,” and until it does, I’ll be here to offer you a digital hug and prayer. Stay with me friends, we will be one another’s very courage.

All my love,

Elle

 

3.10.20 Still and Always

A couple of days ago it was National Women’s Day, and in honor of it, I feel like I’d like to send a message to all of the young ladies who are in that in-between stage … the place between finding yourself and knowing yourself … because it is a hard place to dwell. This piece was actually written for a precious client of mine who regularly asks me to write poems for the special people in her life. She sends me her stories, her memories, and pieces of their precious relationships, and I sew her collected thoughts into prose. “Still and Always,” was written for her teenage granddaughter … about the paradox all young women face … being who you were, and becoming who you are.

Please pass it on to any women who need to be encouraged … and if that’s you … carry on beautiful … carry on.

Elle

Still and Always

It is contrary to imagine
in a world as concrete as this world tends to be
that there could yet be a glimpse of wonder, of glimmer, and of hope
Still she is, beautifully
And it’s trying to respect the perspectives
of generations apart from your own
those that give voice to the past instead of the present, who mistake was for will be Still she does, gracefully
It is unthinkable
in a life riddled with the movement of “me”
to allow your inner sun to radiate outward, to see others before self
Still she has, attentively
And even given the state of discordant haze
between battles of heaven and earth
between battles of right and right now
Of who matters most? And why should I care?
Still she loves, fiercely
It’s astonishing to believe
that this girl, so full of all that is good
could ever retain the domain of expectation
so many have come to depend on her for
Still she will, bravely
and so …
for this world,
and for her precious, singular place in it
Still and Always
I am thankful

3.3.20 The Stargazer, Seeker, & Voyager

So … one of the best four days in the year happened … Bella Grace’s Spring Issue was released. Let me tell you friends, Issue 23 is as beautiful as ever. I hope that you will take a minute to visit your favorite quiet place and treat yourself to the renewal of having words wash over you. I was especially excited to be asked to write about self-renewal. Here’s a tiny sneak peek of my piece, “The Stargazer, Seeker, & Voyager.”

Hugs and sparkles,

Elle

“The human body was designed for renewal. Our blood cells have a lifespan of just over 100 days, our skin cells change over each month, and every seven years, every single cell in your body will have died and become replaced with a life that is brand new. We are designed incredibly, meticulously, and miraculously for restoration. Isn’t it astonishing to think that our cellular biology is glittering with revival?”