10.10.21 Sometimes, I Miss You

“Every time I look at you, you’re different.”

– Mrs. Foster, Tuck Everlasting

Sometimes

even when you’re right before me

even when I can see your smile, and all your attention is directly on me

I miss you

Even then –

because I don’t only know you and love you now

but then too

and I miss you then

and there

In the places between wishes and daydreams,

when your tiny fingers would catch my pinky and hold tight

I miss your un-prompted giggles and the way your hiccups frustrated you

I miss your mis-pronunciations and sidewalk-chalk smudges

I miss your “Let’s race,” and “So big,” and “I love you more,” words

spoken in a voice that is the same

and yet so different

I love you now

more than I ever have,

but less than I will even tomorrow

YOU

in your cleverness

in your silliness

in your wisdom

and beauty

and intelligence

YOU in your everything that makes me proud

I am grateful for every freckle earned dancing in the sunshine with you …

every smile fought for and given freely …

every fall-asleep hug, every on and off-key song, every rhyme and reasonless adventure

But even after all of that

even in all you will still become … and all I hope to still be for you –

Is it okay to be honest and say

that sometimes,

I love you so much …

that I miss you?

6 thoughts on “10.10.21 Sometimes, I Miss You

  1. Thank you for supplying the words to the feelings of this 70 year old Mom, Grandma and GreatGrandma. Your writing is a gift that is a treasure.

  2. You just perfectly put into words the feeling that I’ve had so many times over my nearly 18-year adventure of motherhood. The way we’d never want to actually freeze time and have them stay little, because it’s so awesome watching them become who they are today. And yet… Thank you so much for sharing!

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