9.3.22 An Inch Away From Forty

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

– Sophia Loren

So this week, I am going to turn forty … and like anyone approaching a milestone, it has caused me to reflect a great deal. Upon my rumination, I’m ashamed to admit that I am still riddled with insecurities. I think it’s easy, as we gloss over one another’s lives by an Instagram scroll or Facebook feed, to imagine that everyone’s got it all together. That our days consist of nothing but the polished, filtered photos and bright string of smiles tying one story to the next. It’s not often we get to hear the truth of what complexes lurk beneath the surface of each other’s digitized reality. So, I figured a bit of honesty was in order.

INSECURITIES:

I worry about my accomplishments, and how much farther I think they should be – whether or not my writing will reach the right audience.

I worry about my waistline, and my hairline, and my wrinkles. I am afraid I won’t be able to see past them, and then I am ashamed of myself and my vanity.

I worry I’m not smart enough.

Or relevant enough.

Or interesting enough.

I think about all the things I should make time for, but haven’t, or know I probably won’t.

I’m not great at cooking, or plants, or fixing things.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I’m “there,” like I’ve arrived … or if I’ll always be striving, and searching.

It’s a lot – enough to keep my mind spinning and reeling and honestly, I think I thought that by now, I’d be a lot closer to resolved on most of them. But then, I think about the three things I actually am secure on.

My faith.

My family.

My friends.

And just like that … the litany of my previous, ever-growing list doesn’t seem so daunting. There might be a lot that, at forty, I still don’t have figured out, but I know, imperfect and insecure as I am, there are a few things that I do.

8 thoughts on “9.3.22 An Inch Away From Forty

  1. Dear Elle, happy 40th birthday to you! I have been reading your words for the past few years and a smile emerges on my face every time I see an email about a new post from ‘this quotable life.’ I turned 40 a month ago and felt a lot of excitement as I approached this milestone. It’s funny to think that 20 years ago, the sound of someone turning 40 brought up for me images of an old person (ha!), yet also someone who has life figured out. Thankfully, I don’t feel old, and while I do feel wiser than I was 20 years ago, there is still so much to explore and to learn — and how thrilling that prospect feels! With all our insecurities and the courage to admit how little we know, may the wisdom we have acquired over these past 40 years on this earth guide us as we embrace the magic of the journeys that await us. Warm greetings to you.

  2. That’s it beautiful one. Your identity in Christ
    Remember He’s holding you in and through it all. You are His. And we, who know you, are thanking God for you;)

  3. Happiest of birthdays, Elle. At forty, you are solidly (only) in midlife…fully grown, wonderfully life-seasoned, intelligent, accomplished, beautiful, sensitive, inspired and inspiring–just by being you, living each moment, each day, as best you can, from your heart and soul. Because you are a natural-born creator, you’ll never get it all done. You’re still breathing; your work and creating is not done yet. Love who you are (We do) and look back at all that warms your heart. (Got a ‘warm-fuzzies file’? Now’s a good time to read through it. You’ll see how you’ve made such a difference to so many already.) Have a fabulous week! Celebrate, dance, enjoy, always play to your strengths, your greatness, your light shining through. Enjoy tha cake and candles and laughter. This is life flowing through you!

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